Tuesday, July 31, 2012

When She Was Good, She Was Very, Very Good...

... and when she was bad, she was horrid.

I married a bad boy.  But I think my husband believes, fairly justifiedly, that he married a good girl.

An anxious girl, a girl who aspires to organization, a girl who'd rather reinvent a scone recipe than do the dishes afterward.  But a good girl. A girl who could figure out the negative consequences she'd like to avoid before making most rash decisions. He, on the other hand, learns from experience.

He calls me pollyannish, a word I despise. But it's hard to argue. I am mostly not a cynical person.  Angry, maybe. But that's different, right? I am decidedly NOT a churchy person, but I've always had hunches that things happen for a reason, maybe not a grand plan, but that we walk away from most experiences, even the painful ones, with, at least, experience, understanding... something has happened to us.  Maybe I can say that because I've walked away from all my experiences so far.

I could find a thousand reasons to become cynical, but maybe what keeps me hopeful is taking the opportunities I can to be bad. Not bad bad. Just, maybe, a little bit, less obedient.  Maybe, just a little bit, subversive. Maybe, just maybe, a small part, selfish. If I feel free to subvert, exercise my civil disobedience from time to time, for reasons grand or petty, as long as I can make my points to myself, it contributes greatly to my pursuit of happiness.

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